Nothing makes me more annoyed than a carnivore's obsession with bacon. When I was a toddler, pigs were my favorite animal. I loved seeing Charlotte’s Web and our local librarian used to set aside any children's book that had pigs in it, just for me. I want to violently shake people when they say something like “I could never live without bacon!” It’s been decades since I had actual bacon, I explain, and point out the only ones who actually can’t live without it are the pigs. This tempeh bacon has a wonderfully salty, smokey and sweet kick that will hopefully help convince people to just leave the traditional bacon inside the pigs where it belongs.

Makes 18 slices

1 package of tempeh

2 Tbsp liquid smoke

2 Tbsp maple syrup

3 Tbsp low sodium soy sauce

2 Tbsp water

A few tips for this before you start…

The hardest part of this recipe is slicing the tempeh. Make sure you are using a good, sharp knife. If you haven’t invested in a good knife yet, it’s time to stop being a total asshole and get on Santa’s nice list so he brings you one this year.

I find that a shallow airtight container works best to marinate this in so that more of the strips will be able to soak up the flavors. You should also make sure you rotate the slices at some point during the marinating so that the ones that aren’t at the bottom don’t get neglected.

Directions:

Place the tempeh on a cutting board so that the long side is perpendicular to the counter top edge. Slice the tempeh in the half so that you have two slightly off squares. Cut each of these squares into three even sections. Then turn each slice on its side and carefully slice each piece into three thin strips. When finished, there should be 18 thin strips.

In a shallow container add the liquid smoke, maple syrup, soy sauce and water. Mix to combine.

Start to add your tempeh slices, coating each in the marinade and stacking them on top of each other as you go. 

Cover the container and set in the fridge. After an hour or two, rotate the slices to allow others slices a change to soak up more flavors. Repeat this a few times if you remember to. I usually forget and things turn out just fine. Allow the tempeh to marinade over night or for at least six hours.

To cook the tempeh, cook the slices in a bit of oil over medium heat until brown and crispy on each side (roughly 3-4 minutes per side). You can cooke them longer or shorter depending on your preferred crispiness.

Nutritional information: Per slice 25.5 cal., .6 g fat, 2.25 g protein